First things first: I’m sorry.
I wasn’t there when everything happened, all at once. When you were lured into a pool of bad thoughts, of hatred, of cusses and curses people around you salivate with. I wasn’t there when you first had a curio of blood, when you thought of pinning a blade on your skin, when you started making friends with death. I wasn’t there when you were suck in a vacuum of anger, of hate, of frustration. When you look at yourself in the mirror and cease to believe you are beautiful.
The thing is, I’ve been there too.
I won’t tell you to hate on the ones who have bullied you. You have gotten over them. You’re one step ahead and you have finally landed on the place of your dreams.
What I will tell you, however, is that we’re here.
Because there will be days when the rain starts resounding the same pain you had a decade after. There will be nights when the clock ticks in the memorial of your great loss; a best friend, whose hand accompanied you through the thickness and the thinness of blood. There will be moments when you will stand still, looking blankly at the skies, asking yourself many what-ifs.
You will walk into that all-familiar pavement with all-familiar faces, and you will find yourself alone.
You will discover the people whom you trust with your life can leave you empty, just because they are only half-full, sipping everything that’s left of your soul.
At that time, when you feel numb and broken, with tiny little veins bridging the gaps between your skin, dangling from the leftover of your bones, I wish that your two feet will mindlessly take you back here, your home, where I could hug you, where we could sew patches of flesh the earthly dogs have gnawed away from you.
I’m not asking you to return. I’m not asking you to pretend nothing happened. Something did. And I wasn’t aware of it.
But what I am asking you is to leave a tiny little spot of possibility that one day, we can join hands again. You can smile here again, with the faces whom you used to detest and to distrust. Because the world will continue to spin, and the seasons will continue to change.
One thing won’t.
See you again. Come back soon.