Something happened today that made my heart swell with so much excitement and then anxiety. I believe those two come in pairs, like twin sisters always holding hands. Anyways, I got through the tension, and I am rewarded with a lovely discovery.
It’s something we’ve been waiting for the entire week without any idea it’ll arrive sooner than we expected. Ladies and gents, I now have the confirmation I’m setting foot on another soil. And it’s somewhere really cold.
I mentioned in my *secret* blog that 2015 is a year of so many new things. So many hellos and goodbyes. Like when I debuted as a speaker and when my dog died. It’s like I’m outgrowing my current shell, as if my soul is saying, “I’m beginning to get bigger than this body, girl, and I need a better shell.” Like arms open wider. Feet running faster. Brain thinking harder. Heart turning braver.
The latter is, thankfully, something that’s beginning to be more evident. Don’t gauge it by your measurements, please. I have my own size chart! (Please consider my reclusive frightened self a few years before change).
Also, do find my jumping around my room forgivable. Francesca Battistelli’s Blue Sky is on and I just can’t stop the happy vibes from spilling everywhere.
I just remembered last night , I kept asking God so many things, about the possibilities, about my dreams and how He’s going to make them come true if they’re parts of His plan. I think they are, because I wouldn’t be seeking those things, and seeking Him (okay let’s change the order) if He didn’t put them in my heart in the first place. There’s always a reason for everything. Including why we’re led to rejections, heartbreaks and failings. He wants us to trust Him to walk us through the ocean.
And oceans mean you don’t get to see the ending. You don’t get to guess what’s the next course or what’ll you be stepping on. It’s purely unpredictable, but God wants me to follow Him whether or not the ending will be good. What I need to remember, however, is that He is good, and no tide, no wave, no storm, is created for my destruction. Only for my construction.
What I really want, Lord? I want to reach out and be Your hands that embrace the innocent kids. The hands that touch the elders and comforts them during their darkest days. The voice that tells the hopeless there is hope, because there was for me, and it will never end. The presence that believes in somebody when nobody else would. The home, the family for someone. A friend, a daughter, a sister. A mother.
A lamp on a lamp stand.
I’m ready to step out into the unknown in this year of new things. I don’t need to know what I’d be walking into. I just need to know You’re there. Help me to brave, and no matter what, to never stop giving thanks.