A door opens, a door closes. Some hung midway, others slowly creaking into a crevice. Life is like that, a long journey filled with different entrances and exits. A few takes a long time to pass into, and then there are those only by a few moments. But each day opens a new opportunity to live life to the fullest; the way we open our hearts and eyes in our walk plays a great role in how we’re going to finish.
This is what The Weekend Closing is all about.
The State of this Person
Will be almost broke. I had a bad turn of buying something at the end of the week when I received a message that my current project may not push through. May not. But any improbability is bad news for a freelancer. Left hanging is not an option. But despite the bleak prospects, I know something good is going to push through. I just don’t have to know now. What I need, is to stay and wait and make use of my leftover resources—God is about to replenish my empty vessel in the best surprises ever.
I attended our home church, Atlag UMC this Sunday and there is shock on both ends. First of all, it feels so, so nice that I have been missed, even my running all around the Sanctuary whenever I have to coordinate things back and forth. It’s so nice to see my family’s faces again, hug the kids, and hear their stories. I’m so proud of seeing Hannah on the sound booth early in the morning. Bev shared a testimony that morning and I just wanted to hug her and tell her how brave she is—wasn’t able to do that personally, but I did managed to leave a message on her Instagram.
My teens are growing and going; Liezl updates me with her potential move to Canada next year. Yganne looking charming with her new do. And then there’s the whole league of girls going kilig, taking selfies and dropping some hot bombs upon each other because it’s fun. A few minutes of tête-à-tête with Miko and then bursting into a getaway plan of going to Baguio by the end of the month. On that note, I’d love to have a trip, but at the back of my head is my upcoming workload and I will, if it comes, choose to write my ass off than vacay.
This old person has to work.
I Came for You
This week, when I was poised to go to Atlag UMC instead of NV9, I was hoping to go there for a reason. And in my head is a vision of people, a warm embrace, and a prayer. Prayer. Because if there’s something everyone needs, it’s that.
Tita Hazel kept handing down names in a box, saying it’s for a prayer project, where we’ll be praying for the person whose name we pick. I didn’t pick any, but she tells me I had my name listed down, so someone is praying for me. I know, I was supposed to feel bad for that, but I knew I’m not in the state of mind to be obliged to pray for someone. If there’s any reason I’d love to mention your name in my talks with My Tatay, it’s because I love you deeply, no strings attached.
If there was one person I thought I will be praying with today, it’s Roxanne. When she sent me a text message come Saturday, I had a feeling it was her. But all we did was sit beside a little, hug a little, and off she went to assist her dad, who was positively recovering (praise God!). So no prayer room moment for us.
But the praying moment happened, not in a room, but at the lobby, just when people are passing by during the dismissal. It was Ate Winnie. I had to run after her just to give her a hug (the last time I was in Atlag, I missed that opportunity). She tells me that she’ll be undergoing treatment, including chemotherapy, in the coming month. And that’s when I held her hand; that’s when I felt the blissful push. I told her I wanted to pray for her.
Ate Winnie, it was an honor for me to stand for those small minutes and have your tears drop by my shirt. I have never felt so useful than holding anyone’s sorrow with them, even for such a small time.
I am magnetized by the heavy hearted; if I could offer you even a small comfort with a touch and my presence, I will be more than happy to give that.
The Challenge of Cancer
Cancer is a bad disease. It’s the kind of disease where you die over and over again before your body gives away. It’s a slow torment. I saw Ninang Maricar in her last days; it was so hard watching her that way. I was only a relative, visiting in small hours; I could not imagine Ninang’s children, Fort and Joy, facing that trial with her. They too, must have died over and over again. Too little rest. Too many worries. Each day is a roll of pain.
The challenge of cancer is a long hike in a treacherous mountain, where going down might mean another hike up. Some are cured, some are not. And just as a dying body withers, the living human heart does too.
I pray that everyone who discovers they have this disease finds their cure. If not, perhaps, the next-best-thing I can wish for is that they find their comfort.
The Things I Want to Tell You
You are not alone. Our Heavenly Tatay has your back, now, before, and in the future. You will be afraid, you will need hands to hold and words to assure you, but nothing will keep you stronger than your inner piece. Joy. Joy, which is the opposite of fear. His Joy is your strength. As you go through this, a long, winding path of uncertainty, you will be made zealous and unyielding. You will not give up. There’s glory on the other side. And,
One day, I tell you, a bigger part of you will be awakened and you will be strong enough to remove your burdens.
— Caris Cruz (@hellocaris) August 16, 2015
God will make you larger than your fear. You will be given power and authority to step down over those deceptions. Don’t say you’ll ‘try’. You will. You can.
See you again, brave folks.
The Weekend Closing: Celebrating the doors we need to close to get to the ones we need to open.