Three things to get back to today: bahay, baha and brownout. Good thing it was raining, or else, I’d probably be fuming at the lack of water, cold air, and anything to do since the Wi-Fi is down. I know, I’m internet-reliant these days, and the first thing I do each morning, something which I will shamefully share you, is to check my emails and social media accounts.
Because, uhm, I am lurking around for things.
Sunday. A regular worship day. I had all things ready for both churches, even if I wasn’t there. I don’t know how my home church actually makes use of the lame programs I create, but trust me—I put my heart into it. I do research. I diligently perform my duties.
I wasn’t in my full element this morning, but my mom made an impromptu sermon about Lord I Life Your Name on High and that was enough for the kids. I guess she also enjoyed song leading. So the kids learnt a song and I had fun behind the keyboard, although it was a rough start. This is not the kind of keyboard I’m very much proficient with.
We finished the worship on a high note, because the new faces on the crowd were very much interested on the piano, and I gratefully took with me a song book back from our old church. Songbooks are really helpful, because I can play the familiar, nostalgic songs which brought us closer to God.
I realized something today. Initially, I wanted to bring my piano to this small, cramped worship space for the people to enjoy music. I thought music will fire up their hearts. But when one is spiritually sluggish, and the other is spiritually pessimistic, then the Holy Spirit won’t move. I realize that I wanted to play music to remind my parents the beauty of the worship we used to have, singing the songs we used to sing. It was to remind them of home.
Backtrack to Saturday.
What’s it with all these weddings? Ugh. I don’t like the feeling: it’s like a glaring sign that I must, sooner, be the one wearing that gown and getting that ring. But hey, reality check: no one’s giving me both—yet. Yet, I tell you, because you know, some princes just get lost or are just too busy with their own issues. Oh, and I am my own prince now. I can take care of myself. I will.
Backtrack to the rest of my workweek.
Since when did I start to be afraid? Ah, right. I have always been afraid. Whether I have something or I have nothing, I am always anxious. It’s the impermanence of things. I am not for here.
I had a few revelations about my work and my wants and I realized that I shouldn’t be focusing on just one or the other. There has to be balance. There has to be giving. A giving of myself, and a giving to myself. I am a human in process of learning many things, such as the bursting of the heart, an opening of the intellect.
Those are the kind of doors I want to open next.
The Weekend Closing: Celebrating the doors we need to close to get to the ones we need to open.