I AM FREAKING OUT. It’s August. I mean, tomorrow’s August. And August is one month before the -ber months come in. And you know when -ber months come in; it’s the end of the year. 2017 is ending and my manuscript is STILL half-written.
Okay, so I think I got that pretty exaggerated. Sorry. Anxiety issues. Not really helping. But, come to think about it, I have made a lot of progresses this July. On which areas? Here are some:
- Money-wise, I’ve been very prudent. No online shopping for me, not even indulging in that mid-year sale where I could have gotten a nice new pair or kicks or a gorgeous new formal dress. Nope. Not this time. Since I’m working on my MS most of the time, work takes a backseat, which means less money for my wants; this is probably the purest sign of adulting and yes, people. I am a legit adult for denying myself of things I want for the things I need.
- God has shown me how He’s going to work his hand behind every little detail to make sure He’s given you enough. And I have been saved by many wallets in many circumstances, thank you very much. Oh, and we did watch Spider-man Homecoming!
- I had a new client this month and it’s been a fun project to do, especially it involves fine, luxury bars in Asia. I mean, what could be more fun than food within your place in the planet, right?
- Game of Thrones just started its 7th season run, you guys, and this somehow made my July Mondays better! Three of them have been completely whack, especially this morning, when we had to say goodbye to the badass grandma Olenna Tyrell chugging her poison while still throwing shades. I am positioned to write my characters with such breathless wit.
- I never thought it’s possible but guys, I just had my second period this month. Maybe August’s was in a rush.
- My suicide confession! I remember telling God that I’d share it when I was younger, as a form of thanks to His goodness, and I didn’t know Linkin Park’s vocalist’s death was going to be the trigger. My heart was profoundly blessed with the words from friends and family. Yes, here’s your strong girl.
Want to know my story?
RE: SUICIDE Depression is real. It creeps up slowly and breeds itself quietly until you realize it ate you all up. It is a war within your head. A war you often lose alone, because nobody can help you. No logic. No prevention. No science. No math. Just love. Sharing this because there was a point in my life that I hit a dead end. At that time, I thought I was a burden and that my family would be better off without me. I never attempted suicide, but I got REALLY sick and I thought it was a better way to die. But then, miracles. 1.) When my dad sat silently by my bedside and then cried a few tears, that saved me 2.) When mom, usually roused and nagging, was quiet and observant and let this tide turn its pace 3.) When God ran to me in forms of many different people, pulling me up even though they had very little idea of this inner storm I am going through 4.) When I gave in to the bright and warm idea of hope, that my pain has a purpose, that my empty hands would still be useful somehow, someday, and I will be *that* vessel God made me …slowly, the dark ebbed away. Since then, every day, I wake up grateful for this piece of heaven called home. Sa tawa ng tatay ko. Sa pagkanta ng nanay ko. Sa araw, sa mga halaman, sa asul na langit. It feels like I was given new heart and new pair of eyes. And I will always, always be thankful. DEPRESSION IS REAL. And some don’t talk about theirs. For everyone who has been with me through my quiet journey, ngayon alam nyo na. Thanks for staying with me. x #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #recovery #faith #hope #love #Jesus #believe #instagood #stories #faith #suicide
No, I’m not done. I probably won’t be soon. But one thing I have realized is that there’s magic in waiting, even in writing. Sure, I’m on my 7th revision — potentially more than that — but the story is bringing me somewhere and I am happy at what I’m discovering. The only thing that made me feel like going back and forth is that I’ve watered down my dream scenes into something more realistic and personal.
I think it’s important to focus on the character I’m trying to develop (especially my heroine) and cut down the unnecessary redundancies in the plot. As writer, this journey has been profoundly transformative for me. I do wish it goes to print. I do wish it finds its agent. But as for now, I want to work my way into making it as endearing as possible to bring that soft, mellow love story to life.
SIUMC’s Sunday School has been fun recently. I bought a one-year devotion book for kids and I used that as the source material for the kids’ lessons. I think we’re covering up most of the Bible, and I am excited to let them learn about this journey. Also, our relationship with the congregation is improving; I finally got to talk to the young girls, know their names, discover details about them. One thing I realized: before I could be a teacher to them, I should let them teach me. Slowly but surely.
Yesterday, we were forced to go through the ankle-deep flood — okay, not me, but my brother — to get to church. It’s nothing remarkable if you’ll compare it to others’ sacrifices, but we’re seeing these changes in our new lifestyle where we, as a family, live apart and work together to grow and support each other in the ministry God has called our dad to.
Faith Precedes Victory
If there’s any motto I have developed for myself this month, it’s disrupt. I am, if I haven’t told you, a creature of habit. I move like clockwork. I think it’s high time to do things out of the norm, break my own laws, and start being creative at being creative. Yep, that was intentional.
I won’t be able to join another pitching events like #PitchWars since my MS is still unfinished, but I am holding on to the hope that I could put that magical dot off my story this year. If you’d ask me, I think I’m in the other half of my writing journey for Saltfolk, because I’m revising the plot and smoothing the edges for a better flow. Even if that means changing the scenes or transferring ones from here to there.
But, believe me. It would be OK even if I didn’t finish it this year. I want to make this story as perfect and close to the heart as possible.