Some things just yell at you loud and clear and you can’t be mistaken: it’s a message. I just received one today, and it’s in the form of a blunder.
Since our family started ministering in SIUMC, there grew in me this hot, fiery passion about jumping in and yank the wheels towards the direction which worked nicely for AUMC. I knew all about it; after all, I’ve been a coordinator for the kids, the P&W and Worship for YEARS. I’m the (wo)man for the job.
But then God gave me a taste of humble pie. Today, in the council meeting where my brother and I attended because we were allowed to “sit in”, I kind of let my group down. The activity was this: from 5 thin wires, create something strong and functional; something that could stand on its own. Me, the ever jumpy, ever let’s-start-this-thing person, grabbed hold of one wire and then processed how. Four legs, one base; that’s what I thought. It didn’t happen. The plan was a failure. Why?
- I didn’t listen to Nana Aning’s suggestion, which was a cross. Well, from my perspective, a cross wouldn’t stand. But right now, if we had a design and we just mathed our way to make it, then we probably would have one standing. Nope. I did it my way.
- Maybe they were shy to tell me I’m doing wrong? Maybe my personality was too strong? (AM I ACTUALLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE I HAVE THE LAMEST PERSONALITY) Maybe I’m too pushy? Nobody said anything. And then, that hit me. I initiated. They believed. I let them down.
Our project ended like a trainwreck that couldn’t even stand on its own.
Then I realized, when I was *internally* planning to cook up some changes and give them a bit of the AUMC culture, I was thinking it wrong. That perhaps, SIUMC already had an idea of their own identity. Of their culture. Of who they are. And we’re just going to be pushy, bossy, and lead them to a downhill track of failure.
So I’m going to stop right here.
For someone who has always been in the front lines of starting projects, keeping things seamless (especially regarding Worship), taking the backseat was soooo uncomfortable. I couldn’t. I just fidget at my chair and there’s this inner wanting to move. And then I’d be reminded that “This is not my church.” But this is also God’s church, and where I am, that’s where I want to be used.
But taking the back seat is perhaps what God wants of me. To be quiet. To just be a part of the congregation. To listen and wait and be still.
Anyways, to my dear SIUMC: you are lovely people. You are hospitable, meek and beautifully soft-spoken. Pastors will love your company because you are submissive and teachable; perhaps that’s what your culture is all about. But. But if there’s something I’d like our stay to influence you a bit, it’s for your to try out things you have never done before, to break your old paradigms (that aren’t working), and to see new possibilities especially in investing in your Joshua generation. To not be passive. To be glued as a strong family you once have been. I am happy to be part, even a small one, of this season of your life. Looking forward to a transformative year — not just yours, but mine as well!
In other news:
- I finally got my Instagram back! For the past few days, I’ve been experiencing a bug in the app that prevents me to write posts (maybe they’re too long) along with my photos. To celebrate my victory, I had to publish long-pending images from my account
- Moving forward with my MS and, going back and forth with my old words, the story is blossoming nicely into a better plot
- I have never imagined me and my parents would have to make video calls because we’re living apart now, but me remaining in our family house is just so wrong I NEED TO WORK FOR MY OWN 🏡
- It’s July, folks! I’m looking forward to rainy seasons, US’ Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, and my birthday, because this second half of the year always go by swiftly