November to me is that bipolar friend who loved you dearly and punished you the next. There were so many sweet victories — some of them with bitter aftertaste — but nevertheless, I am proud to walk out after surviving my tiny scratches. I pin a gold badge on my chest that says Break Free from Your Fetters, and I am learning how to walk lightly. After all, I lived my life dragging my legs carrying such heavy gravity. Surviving is an everyday process.
This month, my jar got its fill even though I fretted it couldn’t stretch all the way to the end of the year. I always had problems with numbers. Which is why I reminded myself to look and look and look again, for things weren’t as I first saw them. Shortsighted, farsighted and prone to oversight, there are some regrets; I could finished strong in some things, but I was forgiven for my miscalculations, and I only hope to do better on the next opportunity I get.
If there’s anything I should be thankful for November, it’s that one big slap. Or two. Or maybe three. One that resounded so loud and hit me so hard was the way I queried; my manuscript was slated for Young Adult, but an agent lovingly told me it would be difficult to sell it on a college perspective, and so I’ve started to put my project to its proper place: New Adult. That took an entire overhaul of my agent list and I was so, so elated to find there were many diverse + NA seeking agents who would probably take my story. The truth is, I was so broken-hearted that I won’t fit in the YA category that I promised myself I won’t query, at least for this month. GUESS WHAT. I made at least 3 queries after that!
I got back to writing — YES I DID THAT — and I finished Salamanca Zero for this month’s NaNoWriMo. Okay, I cheated. I just wrote 20,000 words as the base foundation for this MG Novel, but I think my efforts were enough. I projected a 40,000 word result out of this draft, which I am not in the mood to finish, after not being sold in writing magical stories. There are just so many of them!
Most of my November was spent moping around and wondering if I’d ever get out of this void, that void being me. After finishing Salamanca Zero, I felt like completely devoid of purpose. Here’s the tweet that sums up my feelings:
I wrote this, screencapped, never posted until now.
But today, life beckons me to bounce back, so I do. And I would. Every single time I fall. pic.twitter.com/pN5cDqDOTj
— Merry CARIS-mas 🎄 (@hellocaris) November 29, 2017
Yes, that was real. But there were so many other real things, like the joy I felt as I sat down to write the next chapters of Fifth the First. Boom. Why aren’t you doing what you’re good at? It was like going back to your first love. I think the fire in me, whatever gas it was on, went alive again. Fifth’s story is completely different from Elie’s, and know what makes me excited? It’s taking a beautiful musical route. Look what I just realized:
— Merry CARIS-mas 🎄 (@hellocaris) November 29, 2017
YES, IT’S HEADING THAT WAY. JUST YOU WAIT.
I won’t lie; the other bittersweet part of this month is work related. I had to part with a client after a short working opportunity. The truth is, I was happy to go; we weren’t suited. Or, to be specific, I wasn’t ready to go the extra mile at this point, as so many things gather in my head and beckon for attention. But, blessings! My former clients reconnected with me for fresh projects. A new prospect messaged me and told me she was directed by another previous client. And that’s when I realized: your work is a reflection of you, not your client. Whether they make me work on bad contracts or were slow on communicating, I should always, always do my part, and that part should shine with love and grace and finesse, like Jesus. I’m happy to have produced content that left my clients satisfied, and I’m bent on doing my best in every role given to me.
Oh, I’m now part of Gold and Maiden! This new website dabbles on deep love for life in all aspects, and I draw illustrations for them. With that said, I think I have a hanging assignment I should do within the week.
A funny one-liner: I think this is the month I really worked my ass of because, CHRISTMAS.
I just finished writing the Advent readings, my Sunday School kids are learning how to read the Bible, I’ve met up with my group for this project (which I am having second thoughts of), attended Atlag UMC’s 116th Anniversary + Unveiling of First Marker, and ate in a late-night sacrificial dinner. Excuse me if there’s nothing much here, but if you’d want a detailed description of what happened, please check The Weekend Closing posts this November.
Things are Looking Up (Even Though I Sometimes Don’t)
Let’s see: I just bought some Christmas Gifts, got mom a new dress which she liked, found a sale for a lot things (which includes a new purse and a bowler bag for me), the 1001 Knights books are getting shipped (but I doubt it will reach me this year as our customs are the worst), my copy of 365 Wonders is probably on its way, I’ve finished all my tasks and I am now ready for Christmas (see my Twitter profile). Would you believe this post has gotten 1000 words long and you’re still reading? What patience.