Boy, oh boy. We’re down the rabbit hole this time. Like Alice slipping down that little trap laid beneath the bushes, leading her to the door to Wonderland, am I. There is no tea party, but small hang-outs feeding mostly on junk food, but it’s going to be mad. We’re putting our crazy hats on. And on this point, there is no turning back.

I just came from our core group meeting for Awakenings, a creative project that will take our entire 2018; something I voluntarily conceived at the back of my head, first, a whim, and now, a thing I can turn my back to. There will be no door closing, only a long walking. And despite me hesitating so much, with decisions back and forth like a pendulum, the answer is as clear as the blue sky in our front porch on weekdays. It’s going to be a Yes.

As far as I could remember, to me, it was a No. I didn’t want to do it.

I repeat, this is for the record: I did not want to do Awakenings. It has failed me on many emotional levels. It was not my vision. It has turned big and convoluted and messy and tangled. So many things to do. Too ambitious. Too many flaws. Everything has gone wayward. It was a marbled vanilla cream cake on the table when everyone knows I want a caramel chocolate truffle. I did not want it.

But I’m doing it. I had no other choice but to walk, in this situation where my leg is half-pawned for another program, like the council telling me, “Okay, we’ll let you do this, but you have to do this to.” And no, it wasn’t something I detested. It was Hey, Jesus! which is now timely, because it’s celebrating its 10th anniversary from its debut.

Everything points to a Do. Not a Yes. Do. I have all the reasons to shake my head, fold my arms and lock my door, but when I heard Kiko’s story of a prophetic image, when I see my creative team SO into it even though everything seems difficult, I start to breathe out all the dark, murky things and just say, “Well, Lord, just have Your way.”

I am that person who always wants to be in control, emotionally and intelligently, in all my creative undertakings. It’s a part of my soul. That’s my language. It’s my message. But here, now, thinking about Awakenings, I realize this isn’t just MY message. It’s Yom’s. It’s Miko’s. It’s Moy’s. It’s Kiko’s and Jett’s and Oyet’s and Den’s. It’s their message. And this a channel where they could just let others know what they can do, the hidden things, the stuff they tuck inside their notebooks or keep inside their closets or under their beds. We’re bringing it out. Into the light.

It is my sole desire that Awakenings become Atlag UMC’s message too. A shout heard into the world.

Come to think of it, this is an Awakening for me.