It’s weekend, it’s the last days of August, and I’m finally back just to tell you that the Philippines is still in the middle of the longest lockdown in the world and I am still alive. I have also been doing THINGS that I clench my teeth for (I have bad teeth) and dream awake at night, rising at weird intervals to write ideas after staring at the dark ceiling for too long. Things are happening, like really happening, and I am both excited and scared.
August was kind to me in the way 2020 was kind. Yes, you get it. 2020 is NOT kind. After 4,000+ COVID-19 cases reported on a daily for a week straight, the Philippines decided on a new MECQ which led to a two-week lockdown. Everyone goes back home. My brother is safe, but that meant no transportation for the masses, no money for jeepney drivers, the poor getting hungrier by the minute. And to make matters worse, issues about our country’s health insurance surfaced, there have been TALKS without anything getting solved (I hate these men shouting at each other and trying to prove things at their air-conditioned chambers with no results). More of our doctors died. And just last week, I was crushed at the news of Chadwick Boseman’s death; a good soul, a warrior, who was incredibly battling a Stage 3 cancer while shooting Black Panther and the rest of the MCU films towards Endgame.
2020 just takes and takes.
But we rise and take the spilled parts of ourselves, hoping to save some for September. It’s the Bers! Our patron saint of Christmas Songs Jose Mari Chan would be popping out of nowhere and heard at every single home. And did I mention things are happening?
Things that are happening: Me, realizing God has provided for me in advance. Me, realizing you don’t need to say everything that’s on your mind, because the internet is forever, and people see you. But what I can tell you is that I’ve been racking my brain before diving a fresh WIP I intend to finish by December. What I can tell you is that I’ve been practicing writing bios. What I can tell you is that I’m a starting to claim and proclaim things I never dreamt I could have.
Things that aren’t happening: me, becoming good at cooking. Me, taking a pass at an invitation to be a part of a youth video because, things.
I don’t think we owe it to anybody to be perfect, but we do owe it to ourselves to rise up, show up, and make up for every letdown.
As for now, I’m on the Rise Up part. And I’m pretty slow.
What’s taking me?
Here’s a confession: this blog post has been two weeks overdue. Two. Weeks. And everything I wrote back then was scraped clean because there were things I shouldn’t have said, and I am thankful for closing my mouth (or, in this case, not hitting the Publish button). And this is my blog. My home. A place where I just used to pour my heart out. But now, I’m learning to hold back and keep things to myself. Because some things aren’t supposed to be out there.
On social media, there are Talks. A lot. I have thought about tweeting my opinions when I feel strongly for it, but I’d always think twice or hold back. Having an opinion doesn’t mean I have to insert myself in the narrative, because it’s not about me. And when we talk about things, we need to talk about those things only. The rest is for another discussion at another time.
I’m saying goodbye, but here’s the newest cat of the bunch peeping in: